(Our scene opens in a stuffy office filled with Stuff. Minions are at their desks, yawning, rummaging in their pockets for half-eaten bacon sandwiches and practising their bored faces. Chief Mechanical & Electrical Engineer Chris Buckland is delivering a lecture to the dozing masses. One Minion is attempting to record Buckie’s thoughts (both of them) for the edification of the Internet browsing masses. Now, read on….)
“Another fine day at Strawberry draws to a close and this maybe the most boring work report to date. But stay with me; it will stay boring to the end. Today was filled with paperwork, paperwork, a bit of train and more paperwork. As readers of this fine site already know, we are all about Doing Things Right and over the past few weeks we have identified weaknesses in some of our paperwork. This has come to light after we carried out an internal SMS audit ( safety management system ) – this being a pre-audit before we carry out a main audit.
ARE WE STILL AWAKE AT THE BACK?
Items identified for improvement include document control, equipment register, PGI tracker (Planned General Inspections) of the site, Fire Precautions, depot specific documents…
POTTER, I CAN HEAR YOU SNORING
… staff competency, updated Management of Defects Policy, unit auxiliary power fitment and most importantly the Tea Register of who has sugar, milk etc was updated. Actually, we did this first; we must get to things in order of highest priority.
All of the above are being addressed to bring them up to standard. Especially the Tea Register.
DAZ, PLEASE STOP READING THE BEANO: THIS IS IMPORTANT STUFF
(Sorry, dear readers: I just can’t get the staff)
Paperwork is boring but it is part of the SETG’s professional stance. It’s just as important as throwing spanners at the train and blowing the horn (which we let Potter do, because it’s the only thing I usually trust him to do properly). However today Potter was let loose with a spray can on the rusty seat springs. Some of the paint went on the springs and a fair bit on Potter; enamel black suits him, and it will probably rub off’ve his forehead and hands in two or three weeks. Luckily, Oscar was available to stop him from trying to lick himself clean.
In other Spanner News, the trailer coach brake gauge was removed for calibration. The other gauges, removed two weeks ago have been returned, and all bar two have passed calibration. The ever-friendly neighbourhood UNIPART SPOKES (also known as Peter Spokes) has helped us out with two replacements for the failures but these will need to be calibrated as well.
And last but not least I remembered not to go home in my work boots.
I’ve just got to remember where I live now.
Well if you made it to the end of this update, well done. Have a big tick and a gold star from Teacher. Any grown-ups reading may now treat themselves to a large Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster and I’ll see you a week on Tuesday, or whenever you regain consciousness.
If you never got to the end; well, you won’t have read this so ner ner ne ner ner….
WHERE’S POTTER? HE’S LEFT THE ROOM WITHOUT ASKING. THE BOY HAS NO COMMITMENT.
Stay tuned for the next thrilling instalment of the ongoing VEP story.”
Editors Note: the above is why we don’t usually let fitters write web updates. You were warned…